I read a quote recently that has stirred deeply in my heart over the past few days. It read, “There is nothing that tests your trust in God more than the temptation to fear.” Fear…that four letter word that we all are way too familiar with. I used to think fear was merely a childhood thing, and one day I would become mature and wise enough to grow out of it. Well, here I am almost 40 still trying to sort through all of the realities, motives and truths behind those fears. Fear has never been or ever will be my friend! Knowing all to well how it has at times had the power to consume my thoughts, steal my peace, rob my joy and even immobilize me if allowed to.
This past week, fear knocked at my door…I mean banged, pounded, was frighteningly loud. And while I know in my heart that God is bigger than my every fear and He is more powerful than every darkness, my mind and my thoughts were tormented by the knocking. The twelve inches between my heart and my head seemed like miles away. I kept reminding myself and telling God that I fully trusted in Him, in His power and in His love. And all the while, the fight was real…heart and head, heart and head, heart and head! I tried ignoring the thoughts, keeping myself busy, avoiding with all I could the reality of the situation. But the fears were relentless, they were exhausting and would not given up without a fight.
It was about day four into this battle, when God took me back several years to when I was sleeping soundly in my bed. I was awoken by the sound of tiny footsteps coming down the hallway. A blonde little head appeared quietly next to my bed and said, “Mommy, I had a bad dream and I am scared to go back to sleep because of the dark.” I jumped up like a mad mama on a mission and grabbed my flashlight and was armed and ready to kick some boogy man and darkness butt. Partly because he messed with my baby and partly because he messed with my sleep. We walked downstairs and climbed into her bed. It was after several minutes of me rubbing her head and singing to her that she stopped me and said, “Mommy, how do I get rid of the darkness?” Taken back by such a deep, heart felt and honest question I remember pushing the button on the flashlight and BAM, Jesus showed up! Although we could not physically see Him, He was indeed there. I heard in my spirit He said to me, “Simply just turn on the light.”
These words that Jesus spoke to my heart and to my daughter many years ago came back to speak to me once again this week. What Jesus taught me was that it simply would not be wise to fight every darkness and fear I face in my own strength. For I know I am not brave enough, strong enough, fierce enough or powerful enough to defeat these battles on my own. But, what He reminded me was while I am not, He is! John 1:5 says, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” That light is Jesus! Where He is, darkness simply cannot be. He took me back to that moment in my daughter’s bed to remind me of the reality of just how dark a room can seem along with just how powerful a simple question can be. Then with one click of a button, with one beam of light, the darkness that once occupied that space simply vanished, gone!
All week I had been foolishly trying to keep out the darkness, fight off the fears in my own strength. Not without real effort, but without any real results. No matter how dark things get sometimes, how loud fears knock may be, we are armed with the most powerful weapon of all…the LIGHT. It was in that moment that I shifted my eyes and my focus. No longer was I going to try to fight all the feelings on my own, I was going to simply remember who fights for me. I would like to say all the tormenting thoughts and feelings stopped, however that was not the case, for fear does not give up easily. Instead when the fears came back I reminded myself who my Heavenly Father is. For His reputation in my life has proven Him faithful. He has never once let me down. He has never once failed me. He has never once taken His eyes off me…it simply is not in His nature. What Jesus reminded me of that day was there is no need to waste your time and energy trying to keep the darkness out when you can simply just invite the light in!
I now like to picture it this way…Yet again, fear stands knocking at my front door. When I do not answer he bangs even louder and more determined. Getting annoyed that no one has opened the door and let him in, he leans in closer and hears two voices. Upon listening he hears me say, “Daddy, I love you so much. I am so very glad you are here. You are so big and so strong and will always keep me safe.” With that, Daddy takes my hand and bravely opens the door. To no surprise no one is there, not a trace of anyone. For fear is long gone, because he quickly realized that Daddy was home!
